Brief - content on careers published on the Womenship platform
We both laughed. Out loud. For what seemed like one entire, awkward minute. But when my boss looked at me again, he could see I wasn't joking. "Where did I see myself in five years?" "Married with kids." It wasn't that much of a joke. Was it?
For as long as I could remember, I'd adored my job. It both defined and challenged me - it introduced me to some of my BFFs, packed me off around the world and made me (if I say so myself) quite a fascinating dinner guest. All the while I compared my career to those of friends who balanced part time work and part time parenting. And to those who chose to 'just' raise their children and sideline their careers. I didn’t know which path I wanted to take. I just knew I wanted to dip a toe in the world of motherhood - much to the hilarity of my boss.
As soon as I met 'my one', we hoped for kids sooner rather than later. Knocking on for 38 was one factor, but we just felt ready already.
We hadn't banked on finding out just 10 days after our ‘I dos’ that we were going to be blessed with a baby, but we blended safari honeymoon and a big fat positive pregnancy test like middle class pros.
In a flash everything changed. I once thrived on late nighters in the office, strategising how to bring in multi-million pound business. I had no idea my late nighters were soon to be all nighters in the nursery. Because no matter how much you want it, you are never, ever ‘ready'.
I always hoped one day I'd be a mum. Yet I never knew it would totally consume me. Like nothing else matters. Like all the pitching and P&Ls are a world away. Like the sick in my hair and vomit on my top doesn’t matter. That’s my new norm, not just the end of a brilliant Saturday night.
I never knew that one day I'd make a great mum. And as my handsome little boy reaches his first birthday, I see that I'm actually quite good at this. It’s not that I didn’t think I wouldn’t be. I just had no idea what I was getting into - or how I would cope. Don't get me wrong: I certainly don't have all the answers, there are days when I’m not sure how I cope, and I absolutely question myself at least 500 times a day.
And I never knew that to be the best mum I can be. I’d need to slam the brakes on my career. Most of the women I know balance work and motherhood and excel at both. But when push came to shove, I just didn’t think I could achieve that balance. The hours and the effort needed to be awesome at work and brilliant at home seemed unattainable for me. Being an average employee would eat me up with guilt; being an average mum was never an option.
So I called time on my career. 16 years in one industry; the last decade of that in one company. All on hold whilst I try my hand at full time mothering. I was surprised that so many around me were shocked at my change in direction. After all, it’s not like motherhood isn’t a real job. It certainly feels like the most demanding, unpaid job I’ve ever taken on. In 2019, ONS states UK employment stood at 72.3% for women. I wonder how many of the almost quarter not working that year were actively taking a time out to raise the next generation.
So maybe the critics just didn’t see me as the maternal type? Perhaps they assumed I could smash both jobs? Or maybe this was just a new side to me the world hadn’t yet seen.
I don’t know how long my career break will last. Interestingly, back in 2017, mothers whose youngest child was aged 3 to 4 were the most likely group to work part-time. Perhaps my return to work will follow that pattern.
But whatever path my career follows, I hold every hope that it won’t be broken just for having chosen ‘to mother’ in the middle.
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